Happy?

Happy? Even though I've answered three different phone calls in the past week from sisters who are each going through trials that caught me by surprise and made my heart break? Even though I've watched, cleaned, or stood in a puddle of my two year old's pee at least once a day this week? Even though it seems I can't get through a day where I don't regret something I've done or said or yelled? No, of course I'm not happy about any of that. That's funny, because you're writing a blog titled, "I write because I am happy." How do you plan to explain this to yourself?

Honestly, when, "I write because I am happy" first popped in my head, I laughed. Probably because I don't see myself as one of those overly happy kinds of people. You know them, the type who would still be smiling, and offering thanks even if their hair was on fire.

I'll admit, on occasion I've been called Positive Polly. Not because I am happy 24/7, but more because I am often finding the bright side of a situation. Which by the way, is always easier to do with someone else's problems.

I didn't want the title to turn readers off, thinking, "Oh she's happy, good for her, but who can relate to that?" I've seriously wrestled with this word "happy" over the past few weeks. I'm an American, so it's one of my unalienable rights: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. My many face book friends, whom I hardly ever see in person, all want me to be happy on my Birthday. My culture tells me the best way to make a decision in life is to do what makes me happy. The truth is, as I get older, happiness seems more elusive, and the word happy more shallow. So here we are again... Why the title?

When I talked to my sweet husband about writing a blog, he encouraged me to go for it, laughed when I asked him what a blog was, and then asked me a simple question.  "Why do you want to write?"  Good question. The answer comes on Sunday morning, when I turn my eyes off myself and my circumstances and onto the cross that stands before me. 


You see, there's little I love more than standing next to my husband, surrounded by my church family, belting out a song of praise to the One who made me and loved me to death. Sadly for my husband and those around me, my belting is not always on key.  


I am also a lover of things rich in tradition and history. Hymns are some of my favorite songs to sing. My children often hear "The Old Rugged Cross," "Blessed Assurance," or "I have Decided to follow Jesus," before bed time. So it was no surprise to me that the hymn written one hundred and seven years ago by Civilla D. Martin, "His Eye is on the Sparrow," popped into my head as I began writing. 


And quite frankly for better or worse, it's stuck. Check out the words below. You'll see quickly the song is not about happy circumstances, but about a bird of the field, free from worry because her Maker and Savior is watching her... 


Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come, 
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home, 
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He: 


His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; 
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. 
I write because I’m happy, I write because I’m free,  
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.  


“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear, 
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears; 
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see; 


His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; 
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. 
I write because I’m happy, I write because I’m free, 
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. 


Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise, 
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies, 
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free; 


His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me; 
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. 
I write because I’m happy, I write because I’m free, 
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. 


Glory to my Maker and Savior, who no matter where I'm looking, always has His eye on me.


Truth:
Matthew 10:29-31 
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. 


Isaiah 12:3-6 
With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation. In that day you will say: "Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted. Sing to the Lord, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world. Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you."